If you had asked me three years ago, my introduction would’ve sounded a little like this. “I’m Anna Quinn. I’m 15 years old. I love Jesus… but I’m curious. I only know one way of life… and there are so many more out there. I’m 15 and I’m on the road to finding myself.” But the thing about trying to find yourself in this world is that you end up finding exactly who you want to find; and when you’re not exactly sure who you want that to be, you end up letting the world choose for you. Yeah, you can always be forgiven and restored and molded into a new creation… but you might just find yourself down the road struggling to forgive YOURSELF for the mistakes you made while on that journey. But that’s a whole other story…

If you had asked me 6 months ago, I would’ve told you something similar. “I’m Anna Quinn; child of the Most High God. Faithful servant. But confused. I’m confused because I’ve seen Jesus. I’ve seen how amazing life with Him can be. But I still feel like I’m missing out, I feel like something hasn’t been fulfilled.” Little did I know that the “fulfillment” that I was so desperate for was actually the voice of the enemy tempting me to slip back into his clutches. I quickly became bitter. I lived one foot in the world, one foot out. I was reading my Bible, attending church willingly, pursuing Jesus. But I was flirting with satan; with pleasure; with satisfaction of my flesh. Without going into detail, I was looking for fulfillment in the things that I thought would distract me from my current situations. But no worries, I did a pretty good job at hiding it. I even had myself convinced I was okay. But I was slowly becoming bitter. See, I knew the things I was thinking and doing behind closed doors. I knew the thoughts I was entertaining. And you know what really tanked about it all? Passionately despising hypocrisy, and knowing that that was the very thing I had become.

I was living like a hypocrite. I was slipping.  My secret struggles were eating me alive. I desired to be an example, but the only thing I became was a statistic; a statistic of someone who claimed to love God but hurt Him like they didn’t even care. That is not how you treat somebody you love.

And here I am today. 18 years old. If you ask me today, my answer might sound a little like the others, but bear with me. I’m Anna Quinn. 18. And I don’t really know who I am. But it’s okay. Let me tell you why; I’m LEARNING. And the reason it’s taking so long? I’m not deciding on who I want to be. I’ve already decided: I want to be like Jesus. But it’s taking a little longer than average, because I have to learn every attribute of Jesus. You see, I’ve dedicated my whole life to learning to be like Jesus. I will never know enough about Him, and I will never be enough like Him. So it’s a pursuit. Every day, I wake up and I have to consciously choose that I want to be like Jesus. I want to rejoice in what He rejoices in. I want joy like He had. I want to love this world the way He loved this world. If I loved this world like Jesus, maybe the little things wouldn’t matter so much. Maybe I wouldn’t have road rage, maybe my heart would fill with compassion for the people driving 5 under in the passing lane…

Okay let’s not go too far. I’m just saying, I don’t know who I am yet. But that’s okay. Because not only do I know who I want to be like, but I know Him personally. And I have his autobiography. Sure, my flesh isn’t satisfied. But the more I pursue Jesus, the more my spirit is satisfied. And I’d rather live with that satisfaction, than 360 days of discontentment and 5 nights of “fun” to attempt to satisfy a worldly desire that is only going to grow the more I feed it. And that’s a place I’m completely okay with being in.

I’m Anna Quinn. 18. And I don’t know who I am. But I know where to find out.